Pick up that penny!

My mom has done this since I was little, and I do it now too. Whenever she sees a penny on the ground she picks it up. Engraved on the penny are the words "in God We Trust," and my mom stops for any penny she sees, no matter how rushed or crazy life is at that moment, and holds it as a reminder to do just that. To trust. To really live the words we proclaim on even the most insignificant of things like pennies.

I'm going to search for a penny.

Who Am I...?

Ahh, the life of post-college 20-somethings/ "emerging adults"/ Generation Y. The "seeker" place my peers and I currently reside. We are desperately searching for The Answer(s) to The BIG Questions, like "Who am I?" and "What am I called to I do with my life?" Other people ask us. We ask ourselves. But, why are we never satisfied until these super-broad questions get a very specific answer?

From my (short) experience in this identity-exploration stage of life, seems to me that discovering The Answer (the epiphany!) to The Question is (and call me a pessimist) not possible. Or healthy. It's constricting/ destructive to choose one Answer and cling to that identity forever.

Now I'm not saying we shouldn't seek to find what we are good at and what we love, what unique strength(s) can we put on the table, what characteristics we want to be defined by and how to be them. Those are things we should constantly explore, as they build our foundation, refine who we are, grow self-confidence, provide us something to offer others. But, I am saying that life is a process and it's complicated. You never know what you're gonna get. So searching for the epiphany, the one Answer within the chaos, takes a lot of energy, builds up expectations that are most likely not going to be met (automatic disappointment), and limits how the journey-called-life can mold us.

"I've been waiting all this time- to be something I can't define" (The Format). I think that's where a lot of the "quarter life crisis" stems from. I can either keep waiting for The Answer or I can be content with something I can't define. Enjoy the process. Live in the present. Become more me through embracing what's going on now instead of completely missing the growth potential because it doesn't fit the definition I come up with that says what's supposed to be. Period.

A 65 year old told me "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up" and I think that is a great place to sit. Self-exploration is an evolutionary, growing process, not a one time Answer to such a huge Question. I don't want to live as-defined for the rest of my existence, but I do want to always be growing and discovering further how to walk in The Question(s) that will never fully be answered. It's uncomfortable, inconclusive, and chaotic most-of-the-time. But it eliminates unrealistic expectations and allows for pleasant surprises. And I like surprises.

30 before 30

This list may be idealistic, unrealistic, or not even physically (or financially) possible, but included are 30 things I really, really want to do before I turn 30... I have until April 23, 2014.

I would appreciate any of your help in accomplishing these 30 before I'm 30. Better yet, lets do them together (Cec- I know you're in since I copied half your list :)

1. Go to NY & Austin
2. Learn to ski again
3. Snowboard (or ski) in a foreign country
4. Canyoning in foreign country
5. Scuba dive in Bahamas or Caymans
6. Safari in Africa
7. Go to Australia
8. Run a marathon
9. Do a triathlon
10. Go windsurfing
11. Go paddle boarding
12. Hike the John Muir trail
13. Sailing
14. Read entire Bible
15. Sew an outfit
16. Grow a garden
17. Learn about wine (become a connoisseur?)
18. Be vegan for one month
19. Climb Mount Whitney
20. Start playing tennis again
21. Confidently say I can drive stick, change my oil, and change a tire
22. Have a mentor
23. Be a mentor
24. Start my PhD or law degree or some sort of further education
25. Volunteer/ serve in some way (quite often)
26. Regularly use my Spanish
27. Do reformer pilates
28. (re)learn to play volleyball & soccer recreationally
29. Visit all 7 Wonders of the World (may not be before 30)
30. Write a book (may not be before 30)

It's go time!

A Situation

"Since we tend to see ourselves primarily in light of our intentions, which are invisible to others, while we see others mainly in the light of their actions, which are all thats visible to us, we have a situation in which misunderstanding & injustice are the order of the day" -JG Bennett

I don't like this situation.

Lately, I have been thinking about how it is a choice to not assume- to not judge. We naturally think things are true or label people as a certain way or "type" or make up their whole life-history in our head- putting them somewhere that we have never seen or heard just because they look or act the part. And this (mis)judgement comes so naturally... Geez!

I don't want people labeling me in their heads, talking about me behind their backs, or judging me by my "cover," which 9 times out of 10 is completely off. So I am trying to consciously not do this to others. And it takes a lot of effort. And a lot of accidently going there and later having to pull myself out. And a lot of accountability and grace.

But the moments I successfully do it, it is worth it. Seeing people in their pure, raw form- not assuming anything- is actually freeing. Approaching them with let-me-get-to-know-you because you-are-loved (and I want to love you) is actually fun (and humbling). It has made me appreciate (and love) diversity on a deeper level than I have ever been before.

Do unto others as you would like done unto you, right?! I want people to get to know my insides, my intentions. To simply see Amy for Amy, the still-figuring-herself-out/makes-a-lot-of-mistakes/appreciates-grace/loves-people/loves-adventure/loves-change me. And not assume this because of that, or that because of this.... so I (am trying to!) do this with others. To scratch the misunderstandings. To appease the injustice. To eliminate this situation. One unassuming interaction (one choice) at a time.

Remind me to keep choosing, because it's not my natural tendency. Maybe someday we won't have ourselves a whole bunch of misunderstood people living in an unjust world.

Fact: life is hard.

Note: I know this is not exactly adhering to the "simple significance" theme, but it is about me learning big things. Enjoy the tangent.

My mom and I talk on the phone a fair amount, mostly about life and love and friends and our family. But recently our conversations have been more on the weight of death and divorce and unemployment and rejection and loneliness and crushed dreams and broken trust being experienced within our life and love and friends and family. "Is anyone in your life not going through a hard time right now?" she interrupted. "Well, uh. Uhhh... no. I think everyone is going through a hard time. Maybe all the time is a hard time." "Amy, life IS hard."

The only way I can think to escape the pain, to stay safe, avoid the conflict, and/or control your future is to never be in relationships, never love, never challenge yourself, and never expose yourself to things uncomfortable or unknown. But how are we human if we operate in this self-protected comfort/fear-bubble? We were created to be in relationship and to feel love and to need grace and to learn from diversity. It's against my nature to give that up. But I want to, because then I don't have to...

Life is hard.

No matter what, the older I get, the more complicated and chaotic and unexpected and straight-up painful life gets for me and everyone around me. That's just how it is, and how it's going to be. I know that now.

But, I also know that the deeper I dig into people and my dreams, the fuller I embrace life, the greater potential for joy. The better story I live. Vulnerability and "the unknown" are risks. But the choice to risk is worth it, because I don't want to be haunted by my decision of not trying at all or avoiding the pain or giving up my passions. To "play safe" is to be left with a boring or uneventful story.

I love what Jeff Bezos said in his 2010 baccalaureate address at Princeton: "...when it's tough, will you give up or will you be relentless? When you are 80 years old, narrating your life story, the telling that will be the most compact and meaningful will be the series of choices you have made. In the end we are our choices. Build yourself a great story."

Life is hard. I choose to risk. A good story is worth it.

Sometimes I think people are spilling their cherries all over the sidewalk when really...

July was the start of berry season here in San Francisco. It's about the only thing that reminded me of summer here. Even on the foggy cold days, I would see people walking around chomping on their farmer's market purchases: blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and cherries. Delicious!

About a week or so into peak berry season, I started noticing people were spilling their cherries all over the ground in my neighborhood. I observed this more than a couple of times. "People! Hello! Stop dropping your cherries all over the sidewalk! ...Or at least pick them up like you would for anything else you spilled (SF is a pretty tidy city). They are getting trampled on and crushed into the cement and my shoes and can stain!"

I was on a run one morning in Golden Gate Park and I saw the same thing- cherries smashed all over the ground. There is NO WAY people are spilling their farmers market purchases here too! Barely anyone ever comes through this part of the park! So for some reason I decide to look up and notice there's a tree above all the cherries... with cherries on it. Yeah. Turns out there are lots of cherry trees all over The City, and the cherries just drop on the ground when they are ripe. I was wrong- people are not spilling their cherries and leaving them to get trampled on. Humbling moment.

Sometimes, we are so narrow minded and jump to conclusions and assume things (like that people are so inconsiderate that they drop their cherries on the ground and don't even bother to pick them up so that everyone steps on them and they stain everything) without looking at the bigger picture (it's a cherry tree). We are so focused on what's right in front of us (the ground full of crushed cherries) that we don't even see what's really going on (look up and see the tree).

Sometimes we blame too quickly or assume unrightfully and really just get ourselves into a lot of trouble. Sometimes we think we know what's going on and we convince ourselves we are right without knowing any more than a piece of the story. Sometimes you have to ask questions or look up in order to see the whole picture, or you risk making false conclusions and unfairly pointing fingers. All the time, it's good to be unassuming.

Sometimes you have to suck it up sell sunglasses outside of your Japanese restaurant in order to...

There's a guy on Market Street that sets up a table outside of his Japanese/Chinese (I think they sell both) restaurant in the afternoons and sells sunglasses. They are all "foakleys" (that's what my friends in high school would call the knockoff shades you could buy in Mexico). He's got hundreds of pairs all lined up and tries to attract shade-less customers while the restaurant isn't hoppin'.

Who knows if he ever sells any, but he sits there and tries. Everyday. If the statistics are true, people aren't going out to eat (ie spend money) as much as they used to, especially in the mid afternoon. Its a tough economy and this Japanese-restaurant-owner is not raking in the dough. So, he's taken it into his own hands to make ends meet. He is using the resources he has (his store front and his time) and found access to some additional resources (sunglasses) and started a little side business.

Now, I'm definitely assuming at this point, but it seems that Japanese-restaurant-owner is filling his "non-productive" time at the restaurant and putting effort in to his end goal- sustaining his business/ life. Earning cold hard cash. Meeting his needs. Its probably not fun, but he does it. And he keeps doing it, which means it is probably working (or he is an extremely perseverant and patient man).

Sometimes, you've got to get creative and do something boring or additional or different or hard or crazy-looking in order to make things work. To make ends meet. To survive.

Sometimes, in order to meet your basic needs, you have to suck it up and sell sunglasses outside of your Japanese restaurant in the afternoons.